Here we are. I’ve gotten through each day just planning on getting through each day. My most recent challenge which I have accepted is to work The Artists’ Way. What a great experience this is. The first requirement is to write 3 morning pages each day. Just streaming of consciousness writing. Don’t plan, just write. What has emerged is truly wonderful. I am having thoughts – and accepting them – about changes which I have fought vigorously. I am healing in areas of my life (if not my feet) that have not previously occurred. I am accepting myself and my drive with this writing, learning about myself, and wondering what will be the next chapter.
I know I’m struggling with aging. Beauty and attractiveness have always been part of my mode of operation. Even when I didn’t believe it was completely true, I knew that I could dress up and clean up and make it work. I have gotten to the age where the 2nd looks are not happening, I’m arriving at the age of the “invisible woman” (unless I get loud) and the visual nods of approval are not coming my way often (except from loved ones and friends). I’m adjusting to the last year having taken its toll on me. But I’m getting better with it. If only friends and family tell you that you are lovely, isn’t that the most loving and important people to care? Truly it must be.
Back to The Artist’s Way. IF you desire to have your creativity unlocked, please pursue this book. You notice I did not say read it. Pursue it. Internalize it. Make it part of your daily habit to know YOU better than you know anyone else. The changes which come to you in life – be it in physical, mental, emotional, intellectual form – can be embraced and accepted. I am practicing loving me, and in association, loving my family and dealing with my problems in a more directed and self considering manner than ever before.
Additionally, for the new year, I am hiring a personal coach. A woman I have known for years who I am aware is extremely talented at what she does. I am investing in me. This will not be an inexpensive expense. I will have to budget my money and monitor what I spend. I will have to be financially frugal and fiscally responsible. I will have to say no to the random, addicted purchase, and use what I have. I believe that this will be worth the investment. I have goals to accomplish, I’m 56 years old, and I want this next chapter to move forward with purpose and dynamic action. I want to live hard until I die. And this is my plan on how to accomplish it.
Today’s writing is almost a “stream of consciousness” writing, much like my morning pages. But it feels good to do this, and I hope it feels good to you to read it. Invest in you for the new year. If that means one yoga class a week, or a new pair of walking shoes, or a makover, or going back to school. Live hard. Love hard. Do it for you for 2011.